The are some basic beliefs we must have to make a our
marriages better here they are:
The Basics
1) Genesis 2:24-25
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother,
(Severance) they are your priority
and be joined to his wife; (Permanence) this is not just an
agreement but a covenant
and they shall become one flesh. (Unity) they complete each
other - Video Cruise
And the man and his wife were both naked and were not
ashamed. (Intimacy) totally open, totally bare, raw, unencumbered
Then
God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let
them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the
cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the
earth.” 27God
created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and
female He created them. 28God
blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the
earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of
the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
- Your spouse is uniquely created in the image of God.
- This should help you understand regardless of how
difficult they may be, they are to be valued as someone made in God’s image and
should be treated as such
Some
of the key differences to keep in mind
Waffles
and spaghetti – Bill and Pam Farrell
Main
drive
Men
– respect – sex
Women
– love - security
3For I say, through the grace given to
me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly
than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a
measure of faith. 4For as we have many members in one
body, but all the members do not have the same function, 5so we, being many, are one body
in Christ, and individually members of one another. 6Having then gifts differing according
to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let
us prophesy in proportion to our faith; 7or ministry, let us use it in our
ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; 8he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who
gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with
cheerfulness.
9Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor
what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10Be kindly affectionate to one another with
brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11not lagging in diligence, fervent in
spirit, serving the Lord; 12rejoicing in hope, patient in
tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13distributing to the needs of the
saints, given to hospitality.
Odd scripture to talk about marriage but here
is the truth. Our love and intimacy are
hurt most and the growth in marriage is limited mostly to a lack of
understanding of our spouse.
These are intrinsic gifts, spiritual genetics,
given to every person born “each one is dealt a measure of faith”
Prophecy in a marriage – not “thus saith the Lord you will lose your job
today” Insight, understanding of the
times and seasons….it is the power to influence others by acting righteously.
If one of you driving the other crazy with walking the walk; this may be their
gift. Wanting to do things right not always best, but right according to them.
Sees things in black and white not shades of gray. Intuition. A prophet should be able to speak in a way to
be clearly understood by their audience
Negatives - can be demanding lacking grace
and the fullness of love, arrogance, impatience, lack of clarity
Ministry – longing to meet the needs of others. Gets great satisfaction and
joy from fulfilling the needs of others. Loves to do the job and watch the joy
that it brings others. Is loved by everyone for his or her heart of service. How
to become the greatest in the kingdom according to Jesus? Matthew 20:26. Often
have the gift of hospitality going along with this. Care for the needs of
others
Negative - caring for the needs of others to
the exclusion of the family. Having a
need to be needed.
Teaching – loves to see others get “it” loves to show others a better or
easier way. Help people walk into the truth. Often learning more and more is
their goal and aim so they can share it with others. If you own every book on a
particular subject sports, hunting, cooking, or some hobby this may be your
gift. Doesn’t mean that they walk the teaching they may just love to teach it
Intellectual clear head
Negatives - could spend more time teaching
others than helping at home. Know it all but may not walk out the truth in
their own lives. Could appear to be cold and calculating at times.
Exhortation (encourager) - warm heart.
This is the encouragement and showing people how to do things unlike the
teacher this is more practical application on a day to day basis. This is the person who loves to hold the
hands of others, up their arms around them and encourage them that they will
make it and they show then how to make it. People feel built up around them.
Great mentoring gift
Negatives – could give lives to others more
than those around them. Could get sucked into helping people that don’t want
help. Easily taken advantage of. Can appear to be too plastic or sugar coated.
Giving – you are never more like the Lord than when you give. Spirit of
generousity. Generously gives time, energy, finances, personal and emotional
resources. If you need it they want to get it to you somehow. They feel a
personal responsibility to make sure you have your need met. These folks are
often filled with joy because they have very little fear of the future. The
person with this gift will think about others when they receive a gift.
Negatives – go broke, never have time for
priorities, despondent if not able to help in a particular situation.
Dependency on giving to bring joy rather than the giver of joy.
Leadership –
stand in front of, modeling a life that
people can follow, helping to develop the gifts in others. Helping others to
achieve their potential. Looking to discern the gifts and talents in others.
Looking for ways to be first and lead the way but stooping to bring other
along. If you have this gift you must lead. It can be one other person or
dozens but you must lead. This gift needs others to follow so is always
concerned about the position of others.
Negatives – can be too pushy. Can be too self
critical and appear to be self absorbed.
Mercy – to feel sympathy for another. To relate to others with empathy,
respect, kindness and cheerfulness. This is different from exhortation because
the person with this gift not only sees the hurt, distress, rejection, and or
pain of others but feels it as well. They may have never experienced what
another is feeling but can understand their situation as if they had gone
through it and feel they must do something to help. This is not necessarily
lifting the person out of their pain but walking with them through it.
Negatives – they can allow the pain or
suffering of others to get them down and they become ineffective to really help.
Emotions can get in the way. Compassion and mercy become an enemy to truly
helping.
It is easy to become critical of your spouse
if you don’t fully understand or appreciate their gifts. These gifts are given by God and we are made
in His image so these gifts are part of God’s plan for your spouse, children,
friends and your life.
Homework
1)
Everyday look for an expression
of one of these gifts in the life of your spouse. Point it out to them and
write it down!
2)
Thank them and the Lord for this
gift (learn to pray together)
According to a George Barna poll
couples that pray together are over 90% more likely to stay together more than
20 years and are happier and more fulfilled.
