Flirting – you may not want chocolate everyday but if you talk about it for a day or two your going to really enjoy it.
God never intended for sexual intimacy in marriage to end in fact USA today article entitled Church ladies revenge research has found that couples who have a strong faith and prayer life have the highest level of satisfaction.
God said it was good!!! Genesis 1:27-32
27So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
29And God said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food. 30Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food”; and it was so. 31Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good
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Everything including sexual intimacy was declared very good by God
Hebrews 13:4 (Message)
4Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.
Marital intimacy is sacred to God
Sex was meant for pleasure not just for multiplying
Proverbs 5:15 – 19
15 Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well. (be faithful and true to your wife)
16 Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
God is not a puritanical prude He intended lovemaking to be ecstatic, exciting and fulfilling. There is great joy in unrestrained guilt free love-making
Solomon and his lover state this to each other
His lover
10My dear lover glows with health—
red-blooded, radiant!
He’s one in a million.
There’s no one quite like him!
11My golden one, pure and untarnished,
with raven black curls tumbling across his shoulders.
12His eyes are like doves, soft and bright,
but deep-set, brimming with meaning, like wells of water.
13His face is rugged, his beard smells like sage,
His voice, his words, warm and reassuring.
14Fine muscles ripple beneath his skin,
quiet and beautiful.
His torso is the work of a sculptor,
hard and smooth as ivory.
15He stands tall, like a cedar,
strong and deep-rooted,
A rugged mountain of a man,
aromatic with wood and stone.
16His words are kisses, his kisses words.
Everything about him delights me, thrills me
through and through!
That’s my lover, that’s my man,
Ladies if you said this to your husband just imagine what he would think!
The flip side Solomon to his lover
1Shapely and graceful your sandaled feet,
and queenly your movement—
Your limbs are lithe and elegant,
the work of a master artist.
2Your body is a chalice,
wine-filled.
Your skin is silken and tawny
like a field of wheat touched by the breeze.
3Your breasts are like fawns,
twins of a gazelle.
4Your neck is carved ivory, curved and slender.
Your eyes are wells of light, deep with mystery.
Quintessentially feminine!
Your profile turns all heads,
commanding attention.
5The feelings I get when I see the high mountain ranges
—stirrings of desire, longings for the heights—
Remind me of you,
and I’m spoiled for anyone else!
6Your beauty, within and without, is absolute,
dear lover, close companion.
7You are tall and supple, like the palm tree,
and your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates.
8I say, “I’m going to climb that palm tree!
I’m going to caress its fruit!”
Oh yes! Your breasts
will be clusters of sweet fruit to me,
Your breath clean and cool like fresh mint,
9your tongue and lips like the best wine.
Yee-haa!
There should be an appreciation for your spouse’s gifts, callings, love language and sexuality
It doesn’t stop there it goes on
SS 7:7-9
You are slender like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit. I said, I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit. May your breasts be like grape clusters, and the fragrance of your breath like apples. May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine, flowing gently over lips and teeth.
Intimacy is for a husband and wife only
2But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
Sexual intimacy should be given freely and often. If love-making were only meant for procreation there would be no need for a woman to have an orgasm.
4For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
In fact Paul instructs us to have sexual intimacy often
5Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
This all assumes there has not been abuse and that the relationship is unselfish
What is another lover is another lover in the marriage?
Gentlemen another lover does not have to be having sex with another woman-pornography is another lover as well. It is easy to fall prey to it keep yourself accountable
Ladies soap opera fantasies can be the same as pornography for a man
You will not always satisfy each other sometimes it is all about the wife sometimes it will be al abut the husband but you should try to make it about both of you
What about masturbation? Is generally a controlling habit, it controls you rather than you controlling it and it generally involves lust. Perhaps in a few cases I can see the validity prolonged illness or incapacity
What is right or OK in a sexual relationship? What the Bible says is wrong is sodomy (anal sex) nothing else is really discussed if you read song of songs it really give license to many different sexual forms
How often is often?
Practical advice
TV or music in the bedroom
Communicate about your wants and desires
Code words
Don’t limit your love-making to only the bedroom (don’t let your love-making fall into a rut!)
Final Words
If there are violations that cause struggles with intimacy get counseling!
Apply gifts, love languages,
levels of communication recognize
why and handle the conflict,
enjoy your intimacy
